Funny Friday!!

It's been awhile, so here's one I found from an e-mail YEARS ago that I thought was hilarious!!!

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

8:00 am- Dog Food! My Favorite Thing!!
9:30 am- A car ride! My Favorite Thing!!
9:40 am- A walk in the park! My Favorite Thing!!
10:30 am- Got rubbed and petted! My Favorite Thing!!
12:00 pm- Lunch! My Favorite Thing!!
1:00pm- Played in the yard! My Favorite Thing!!
3:00 pm- Wagged my tail!! My Favorite Thing!!
5:00 pm- Milk bones! My Favorite Thing!!
7:00 pm- Got to play ball! My Favorite Thing!!
8:00 pm- Wow! Watched TV with the people! My Favorite Thing!!
11:00 pm- Sleeping on the bed! My Favorite Thing!!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.  My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
> little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
> inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my
> contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something
> in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my
> dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the
> carpet.
>
> Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
> had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
> demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
> comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.  There was some sort of
> assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement
> for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell
> the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of
> "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my
> advantage.
>
> Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
> tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
> again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.  I am convinced that the
> other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special
> privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to
> return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I
> observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he
> reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him
> in an elevated cell, so he is safe.  For now...