Funny Friday!!!

Jesse sent me this e-mail this week,
thought it was very funny!!!

Chinese Doctor Answers Your Health Questions

Q: Doctor,  I've heard that cardiovascular
exercise can prolong life.
Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and
that it... don't waste on exercise.  Everything wear out
eventually..  Speeding up heart not make you live longer;
it like saying you extend life of car by driving
faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits
and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency.  What does
cow eat?   Hay and corn.  And what are these?   Vegetables. 
So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering
vegetables to your system.  Need grain?  Eat chicken.  Beef
also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable) 
And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance
of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is
distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity
bit so you get even more of goodness that way.  Beer also
made of grain.  Bottom up!

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio
one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in
a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is:
No pain... good!
     
Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in
vegetable oil.  In fact, they permeated by it.  How could
getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft
around the middle?
A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. 
You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?
A:  Are you crazy?!?  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It
best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?
A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A:  Hey!  'Round' a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may
have had about food and diets.

And  remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and
well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming
"WOO-HOO, what a  ride!!"

AND...

For  those of you who watch what you eat, here's the
final word on nutrition and health.  It's a relief to
know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional  studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
     and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
     and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
     and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
     and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of 
     sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Have a GREAT weekend everyone!!